The Office Wench

An old friend recently posted an article about how women are somehow expected to clean the office and ensure everyone's birthdays are celebrated with a cake they provide. To that I say, PLEASE. I honestly feel this stems from women being brought up as "people pleasers" and that translates into the office environment as adults. They see a sink full of dishes and instead of walking away and going back to the job they were hired to do, they spend 10 minutes cleaning the dishes. If there is a big meeting some women stay behind to clean up the room, instead of leaving the office to return home like their male counterparts. Women volunteer to be on various committees with the false impression that this volunteering at work will actually matter when it comes time for their personnel review. Laughable if it wasn't so so true. I wised up to this after two years of being one of the office wenches. I cleaned, thinking, well I'm washing my own container so what's 10 more? I brought in cake thinking others would appreciate it-they appreciated it for the 30 seconds it took for them to eat said cake. I was on social committees until I noticed it was never brought up in my review so clearly my managers could care less. Women need to stop being the office Mom, or wench, or whatever name you want to call it. Man up. Stop cleaning. Do what you were hired to do, if you need a refresher check out your contract (I doubt kitchen duty and birthday cakes are on it). Attend your project related meetings and any others that you feel could contribute to your career. You aren't at home, so act like it. I've even gone so far as to look up social queues men subconsciously do when they are in meetings so I could stand out more. Here's a simple hint. Next time you go into a meeting have a look at the men and the women and how they situate their papers. Men usually spread out their papers so everything is in view and in reach. Women will try to make their "footprint" as small as possible (gosh, we don't to bother anyone now do we), and stack their papers neatly in a single pile in front of them. This sends clear social queues to the people in the meeting, believe it or not. How you hold yourself also sends messages. Men will often lean forward and have their arms on the office table in a meeting, or sit far back and look introspective. Women tend to sit rigidly, keeping their hands folded on their lap, or on top of that pile of paper in front of them. This makes women appear more passive, less involved in what is being discussed. Men on the other hand look much more engaged in the discussion because their body is sending signals to everyone around them that they are actively listening and participating. This is not sexism. It is how our gender roles have evolved over time and in our various societies. Women need to realize this stuff and get a grip on it and stop whining about how unfair it all is, (here's another hint, its unfair because you've made it unfair on yourself). Now all this is not to say there are not asshole managers and sexism out there. I think in the majority of cases though women need to take 10 steps back and see their behaviors and attitudes towards things in the office for what they are-issues they have created for themselves. Real female power comes from facing this fact and reality and stepping up to counteract it whenever we can. So stop doing the dishes. Clean what you own and that's it. If its someone's birthday that's up to that person's family to celebrate it-isn't it? Stop cleaning up after meetings, your office should have actual paid cleaners to do this job and if they don't and you are expected to do it, then you should evaluate your job contract and see if extra compensation should be included for cleaning duties. That's it. Then, and only then will we women be on the same playing field as our male counterparts. Until then, just stop the whining, some of us have work to do!

True North, Strong and Free

Today is day one. Day one of a different country, according to our Prime Minister. One where we are now marked by the same tragedies as our neighbors to the south. Yesterday was scary and maddening. How dare a person shoot members of our military. And its not like we can point fingers to another country, both terrorists were home-grown, born and raised as Canadians, and yet they went out and killed those who defend the very freedoms they enjoyed. As I sat in my little cubicle I could overhear my cube-mate talking with someone in Ottawa yesterday. They were scared and forced to sit in their offices while police roamed looking for more terrorists (there were none). I can't imagine what that would have felt like. When I saw one of the MPs had tweeted that she just wanted to get to her daughter in daycare, I could see myself feeling the same way. In fact, when they secured all of the military personnel in my office I was thankful I could leave and went straight to my daughter and gave her a big hug. Thankful I could. Today I walked around in my office and saw all of the military personnel are wearing civilian clothes. Not taking any chances, their superiors have asked they not wear any military-type clothing so they wouldn't be targets. Here, over 1500 miles from where the shooting happened, it affects us. Part of me gets it (of course) but another part of me is angry that they have to take such measures just to go to work. I'm angry at the now dead terrorists and anyone who might think about following in their footsteps. I think we as Canadians need to show the world more than ever that we are resilient and will not stick our heads in the sand when terrorism happens. We will rise up and celebrate the democracy that our grandfathers fought and died for and those members today protect.

On marriage-a 7 year old's perspective

"I'm not getting married." my 7 year old said matter-of-factly to me last night. My response was to simply say, "Oh, okay honey, if that's what you decide." These past few weeks my daughter has become increasingly aware of the division of duties between my husband and I (aka the gender divide) and has declared it very one-sided, meaning she thinks I do much more work than my husband, her dad. Recent statistics would agree with her, saying women (who also work full time) do anywhere from 50-100% more chores than their partners. My husband and I have an arrangement that has worked for us since she was born. I don't drive (lots of excuses but needless to say I just don't drive anywhere, I'd rather run or take transit), and he has an aversion to all things housework. So, he does the driving (which means school drop off and pick up most days) and most of the outside chores (garbage, grass cutting, car washing in the summer, and the odd shovelling in the winter), and I do everything inside the house. But in the eyes of a 7 year old my chores seriously outnumber my husband's. Cleaning; dusting, windows, sweeping, vaccumming, mopping, dishes, bathrooms, laundry, ironing, school homework and all of the cooking apparently looks like a lot of work to her. When I explained the arrangement to her she looked at me like I was crazy to agree to this. Then she asked why I got married. Ha! Oh my. The conversations about love and wanting to share a life with someone are so beyond her comprehension she doesn't quite get it yet, to her boys are a pain, a messy pain that she can't imagine cleaning up after for the rest of HER life. Oh the simple perspective of childhood. While her grandparents unconsciously push their traditional ideas I've tried to be open minded, telling her that love is love, it doesn't matter if you love a boy or a girl, if she ever gets married or has a child of her own. I think this slightly horrifes my husband, who wants her to grow up, get married and probably have a child, but I think I'm being a bit more realistic. I personally think, while my own situation has worked out, it hasn't been without its rough patches. Even after 11 years married we still run into issues that I wouldn't think we would care about by now; for example my husband was recently lamenting how if he had married someone from his part of the province he would have no one complaining about the 6 hour drive there. What does someone say to that? Guess you chose wrong buddy? lol. In today's society a lot of women are not bothering to get married. Single moms are financially better off in a lot of cases (unless your partner makes a good full time wage-hard to come by in this economy), with many two parent households having one person without work or only working part-time thus being a serious drain on the full-time earner's income. And then there's the cold reality of marriage. It's hard. It's work and compromise. I don't sugar-coat it for my daughter. I want her to go into marriage with her eyes open and her own expectations for a partner clear. I think a lot of women don't think before they run down the aisle, myself included, even though I wasn't one of those girls that had a "wedding" scrapbook from childhood. You think it will be sunshine and roses, and it is sometimes, but there are also the other times when your spouse wrecks the car, owes a bunch of tax money, tells you to make supper (and he's NOT helping) when you have your hand in a cast, gets too drunk and embarrasses you in front of others...yeah it can be messy. A person can't be prepared to face every single challenge but I want my daughter not to have any mis conceptions about marriage and motherhood. So, for me, that means trying to ensure she doesn't feel any pressure to get married from me, and if she does decided to do it, she'll know what kind of compromises she's willing to make and communicate them to her future partner before anything is signed. So far I think she might have a tough time finding a guy who's truly willing to do everything 50/50, but hey you never know, times are a-changing.

Buying a Used Car in 2014-A Horror Story

Our parents (my husband's and mine) both told us the same "tips" about buying used cars: 1. always check out the car yourself (looking for obvious damage, with my husband he knows a few things about cars so he can be a better judge than I if something looks "off"). 2. always test drive on the highway (a lot of vehicles make funky noises when they go faster then 100kph). 3. if you offer the dealer cash they'll give you a better deal. Accomplishing numbers 1 and 2 wasn't that difficult, but neither identified serious issues in one SUV. The third tip was totally, 100% wrong when car shopping nowadays. Dealerships don't want your cash, they want your cash long-term. If we bought our SUV outright we would have faced hundreds of dollars in penalites for buying it that way. The dealership would much rather have us finanace for a couple of months, then pay off the SUV (two different dealerships told us this same information). That way they get their cut from the banks they deal with in addition to the huge mark-up on their cars. Dealerships price their cars based on the model, make, amount of KMs and year of the car. That is it. I think a lot of consumers would think that dealerships look at the overall condition of a car, its history, recent repairs, etc. Nope. If it factors at all, it makes very little difference in the price. So, you can have a 2012 SUV with a history of being in the shop for service every six months and another that has had only regular maintenance and they can be priced exactly the same. And the consumer, unless they scream for service histories and carfaxes, are not told any of the history of a car. The consumer can be left with a lemon (at an audi price) and think they have a great car. The problem I have with this isn't so much how much the dealerships rip off their customers, but rather its the fact they don't care if they are selling a car that has been reported to have "difficulty turning left at times" to a family with children. Imagine the surprise when a mother tries to make a left turn in a busy intersection with her children in the back and-oops-the car won't turn left. At best its a huge inconvience, at the worst, a life-threatening situation. My point is this. As consumers, we can feel empowered by gathering the history of a SUV, but if the car has been in an accident and that accident was covered under warranty and cost less than $3000, the consumer will probably never know it happened. I don't know about you, but I'd like to know (regardless if an accident is considered minor or major) that the car/SUV whatever has been in an accident. That way I can decide if I want the vehicle. I would also argue vehicles should be priced according to their history, not just the dealership-favoring factors. I can go into a clothing store and be made aware a button is missing from a shirt and get a discount for the missing button. If I buy a refurbished computer from Best Buy they tell me it is refurbished and I can decide if I want the risk or not. I also get a discount because of the computer's history. Why can't I have the same level of service for items that cost less than $1000 for something I'm shelling out $15,000 for? Where is the logic in that? So, my husband and I were all set to go home with our new-to-us 2012 Kia Sorento SUV. When we drove it off the lot the instrument cluster (all of the dials) were dead. We returned it and demanded all of the history on the SUV. Aside from an accident they never told us about, that SUV had the front wheel axle replaced, the driver's window replaced three times, the windshield replaced, had trouble turning left, the AC was an issue, etc. Clearly this 2-year old car had issues. We demanded a refund. They refused and tried to push other SUVs on us. We humored them but eventually threatened going to the service manager's boss and/or the media. They refunded our money and we went to another dealership. We found an SUV we like (reading all of the history-only 2 pages this time, as opposed to 16!) and after some financing negotiations are finally picking it up today. All said and done, it took us over 3 weeks to buy this SUV. Both my husband and I lost several nights of sleep due to stress (with the first SUV) and have had to explain to our child why "the nice man wanted to sell us an unsafe car." We had the most money in our lives to buy a car and this was the most stress-by far-we have ever had buying a car! The experience sucked any joy at all in buying a new-to-us SUV. I am terrified this SUV (even though I know it is okay) will have some major problem right off the bat after our last experience. It just shouldn't be this way. I have written to all levels of government to try and push for FULL disclosure by dearships on all vehicles, regardless of the cost of previous damage (most dealerships will tell you they won't sell cars with more than $3500 of damage recorded on it-but, as we found out, dealers have ways of fudging accident reports, especially if the previous owners were "friends or even family members" of the dealership owner and had work done for free at the service bay).

Useful Stuff I Learned Working Minimum Wage Jobs

Recent events at work have led to alot of illuminating discussions, especially about job experience and roles. In one conversation it came up that many of us are on "down time" at the moment, meaning we don't have much to do. One person asked if another would clean toilets if it meant they could keep their job or not. His 20-year-old reply was a knee jerk-"Oh god no!" But the other, more older employee said, that he would, if it made the difference between being employed or not, he would. The 20 year old would not, he would rather be unemployed that do work that he deemed beneath his education and experience. Its this elitist thinking that frustrates me with the younger generation. My brother would be included in this group. He's often looked down on job opportunities, even when he doesn't have something else to fall back on. He would rather be unemployed than work minimum wage. Why? Because he can always run back home to our mother and/or father. I see the same thing happen with other younger people. I didn't see this "safety net" of going back home as an option. To me, that was failure. It meant I couldn't hack it on my own. So, I've worked up to 3 jobs at any one time to make sure I can support myself (and now my husband and daughter too). I couldn't wait to be independent, living on my own, making my own way in the world. I've worked in retail, fast food, grocery stores, tobacco shops, theaters, call centers, serving samples and I've even been a gift wrapper at Christmas. I made sure I had a degree I could base a career from when I graduated from university. I've always made sure I had a new job when the last one was finished. And from those minimum wage jobs that my brother (and others) would turn up their nose at, I've learned alot of pretty freaking useful stuff. 1. It pays to be nice. Even when a customer is really, really rude and calls you stupid in front of other people. If you stay nice and calm they are the ones who look stupid. 2. In retail and fast food, the customer is always right, even when they aren't. So just understand that and you'll have fewer problems with your customers and your boss. 3. In a commission situation, even best friends will turn into bitter enemies for a sale. I've seen it and it isn't pretty. Be warned. 4. Reading people. Work with the public enough and you can tell pretty quickly when someone is in a "mood" or not. This helps alot when working on a team. 5. Taking an insult with grace. I was once told I have little chubby fingers by a customer, and that's why I was so good at wrapping. While I think she was trying to be half-nice it certainly wasn't to me. Learning the 'perma-smile' helps in these situations. For the record, my fingers might be small but they aren't chubby. 6. Doing more than just your job. Yes, you might be hired to make sandwiches, but if the trash needs to be taken out or a toilet scrubbed make sure you ready and willing to help, or you might find yourself unemployed when the new guy shows up and does it without whining. I write curriculum, but if I see coffee cups and napkins on the conference table after a meeting I clean it up, why should I make someone else clean up after me? All in all, minimum wage jobs gave me the small tools I need every day. Those tools are the things schools don't teach you, only life experience does.

Screw your performance-based raise - Just be Grateful you Have a Job!

Mergers. Ugh. The last time I heard that word was 5 years ago, now here I am again hearing it from some new guy in a suit, hoping he doesn't "slash and burn" the old company and heave me and my fellow co-workers out on our collective butts.

But that won't happen, at this point anyway. The company is one month into this take-over/merger and whoever is left can probably feel pretty safe for now. For those of us on the side that was taken-over the questions around vacation, salary and all things HR are cropping up. We've heard from three executives now and each one talks about how profitable the company will be now that we are one company. Great. Except they say this to the people who have had three years of broken promises when it comes to cost of living increases, salary raises and even internal training. The people who are left have come in day after day, worked our butts off to bring the clients what they want and keeping our jobs was our big reward. Now we're being asked to not only continue to do that, but do it at a lower salary than those who do the same job for the company that "bought" us and we get to work more hours. But apparently we should feel good about this, because we still have our jobs.

Part of me sighs, yeah, I should be grateful. Heck, even my mother-in-law echoed that statement when we briefly talked about it, she said I'm lucky that I still have a job. Well yes, never mind I've worked on over 15 different projects, designed and led the team to develop the world's first wireless virtual training device, and wrote an internationally published white paper on the topic of virtual education...yes. I should be grateful I still have my job at the pay I had three years ago. Yup. Really. Grateful.

The part of me (my mother's side) says: NO!!! No! I've worked on over 15 different projects, designed and led the team to develop the world's first wireless virtual training device, and wrote an internationally published white paper on the topic of virtual education damn it-where the hell is my performance-based pay raise? I have been an integral part of keeping this company afloat and its clients happy for over six years and I want four weeks vacation!

But it's a tricky line to walk in the corporate culture. Ask for too much and you're a greedy, egotistically bit**, ask for nothing and you get nothing. So my meek and mild side usually wins out in these cases, hence why I'm on the losing side of this merger.

On the bright side, I do have an interview this week....

Ripped Off

A bit over a month ago a young boy (somewhere between the grades of 4-7) showed up at our door. My husband and daughter answered and he asked if we wanted to buy a wreath. I asked (from another room) if it was in support of any group-he said it was for his school, Seaside Elementary (a local 4-7 grade middle school in Eastern Passage). Since it supported a school we agreed. Then we waited..and waited. No wreath. Hmm. I called the school and they said they had no record of my husband's name or phone number and asked if he could come into the school to ID the child. My husband was frustrated that not only was he out $20. for the wreath we never received but now was asked to spend more time (and gas money) to try and search out said thief (he was certain he wouldn't be able to ID the child).

As kids, we often were encouraged to go door to door to peddle the PTO goodies in support of our school-and usually a prize was given for the most orders. Nowadays this is seen as a very dangerous practice so kids don't tend to go door to door very much. When I see a kid going door to door I used to assume they couldn't get other family members to support them so they were exercising their entrepreneurial spirit and going door to door. Now my confidence in the good intentions of these door to door peddlers is shaken and I'm considering venting my frustrations to the local paper and social media. Unfortunately this school has gotten some recent bad press about not reviewing the gifts that were given to their school for a trinkets to treasures gift exchange-many of the books had XXX adult themes. So I'm sure stealing from the local community won't help their image.

I just wish the school would offer our money back since its clear one of their own students took advantage of their school PTO fundraiser. I know I certainly won't be supporting any kids that come to my door in the future-sorry kids!-"fool me once" they say...