On marriage-a 7 year old's perspective

"I'm not getting married." my 7 year old said matter-of-factly to me last night. My response was to simply say, "Oh, okay honey, if that's what you decide." These past few weeks my daughter has become increasingly aware of the division of duties between my husband and I (aka the gender divide) and has declared it very one-sided, meaning she thinks I do much more work than my husband, her dad. Recent statistics would agree with her, saying women (who also work full time) do anywhere from 50-100% more chores than their partners. My husband and I have an arrangement that has worked for us since she was born. I don't drive (lots of excuses but needless to say I just don't drive anywhere, I'd rather run or take transit), and he has an aversion to all things housework. So, he does the driving (which means school drop off and pick up most days) and most of the outside chores (garbage, grass cutting, car washing in the summer, and the odd shovelling in the winter), and I do everything inside the house. But in the eyes of a 7 year old my chores seriously outnumber my husband's. Cleaning; dusting, windows, sweeping, vaccumming, mopping, dishes, bathrooms, laundry, ironing, school homework and all of the cooking apparently looks like a lot of work to her. When I explained the arrangement to her she looked at me like I was crazy to agree to this. Then she asked why I got married. Ha! Oh my. The conversations about love and wanting to share a life with someone are so beyond her comprehension she doesn't quite get it yet, to her boys are a pain, a messy pain that she can't imagine cleaning up after for the rest of HER life. Oh the simple perspective of childhood. While her grandparents unconsciously push their traditional ideas I've tried to be open minded, telling her that love is love, it doesn't matter if you love a boy or a girl, if she ever gets married or has a child of her own. I think this slightly horrifes my husband, who wants her to grow up, get married and probably have a child, but I think I'm being a bit more realistic. I personally think, while my own situation has worked out, it hasn't been without its rough patches. Even after 11 years married we still run into issues that I wouldn't think we would care about by now; for example my husband was recently lamenting how if he had married someone from his part of the province he would have no one complaining about the 6 hour drive there. What does someone say to that? Guess you chose wrong buddy? lol. In today's society a lot of women are not bothering to get married. Single moms are financially better off in a lot of cases (unless your partner makes a good full time wage-hard to come by in this economy), with many two parent households having one person without work or only working part-time thus being a serious drain on the full-time earner's income. And then there's the cold reality of marriage. It's hard. It's work and compromise. I don't sugar-coat it for my daughter. I want her to go into marriage with her eyes open and her own expectations for a partner clear. I think a lot of women don't think before they run down the aisle, myself included, even though I wasn't one of those girls that had a "wedding" scrapbook from childhood. You think it will be sunshine and roses, and it is sometimes, but there are also the other times when your spouse wrecks the car, owes a bunch of tax money, tells you to make supper (and he's NOT helping) when you have your hand in a cast, gets too drunk and embarrasses you in front of others...yeah it can be messy. A person can't be prepared to face every single challenge but I want my daughter not to have any mis conceptions about marriage and motherhood. So, for me, that means trying to ensure she doesn't feel any pressure to get married from me, and if she does decided to do it, she'll know what kind of compromises she's willing to make and communicate them to her future partner before anything is signed. So far I think she might have a tough time finding a guy who's truly willing to do everything 50/50, but hey you never know, times are a-changing.